


a downward spiral

by izadreamer



Series: Internal Tangles [1]
Category: Tangled (2010), Tangled: The Series (Cartoon)
Genre: Anger, Betrayal, Blizzards & Snowstorms, Character Study, During Canon, Friends to Enemies, Gen, Hatred, Heroes to Villains, Internal Conflict, spoilers for Episode: Queen for a Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 06:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14806391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izadreamer/pseuds/izadreamer
Summary: It’s a long walk from the castle to Old Corona.





	a downward spiral

When the guards throw him out into the snow, for a moment Varian is stunned into stillness. It as if the whole world has stopped, took a breath and held it, and even the biting cold of the snowstorm cannot break through the sudden fog of Varian’s mind or the numb horror crawling up his throat.

 _She promised,_ Varian thinks. _She promised—_

He feels dizzy and both too hot and too cold in equal measure, his skin too tight, and no matter how hard he tries he can’t suck in enough air. _She promised,_ Varian thinks, over and over in a hysterical loop. _She promised to help me, she said she would, but now—and Dad is—_

His breath stutters. _Dad._

He scrambles to his feet, trembling so badly the wind nearly knocks him over again. He braces himself against the wall and scrambles for his pouch with numb fingers. The guards had—he’d dropped his staff getting past them, but he can probably find it again, if he has some more light—

The orange vial has a fainter glow than the green and purple concoctions, but it serves its purpose well enough all the same. The color makes him shudder, though, reminds him of the amber and why he’d come in the first place—

No, no, he can’t think about it, he can’t. Dad. He just has to get back to Dad. He can figure this out even—even without Rapunzel. He can! He just— he just needs to find his staff and then—

His cold fingers hit wood and Varian nearly sobs. It’s embarrassing, but there is no one to see, so it doesn’t really matter. He drags the staff from the snowbank and hugs it close to his chest, body shaking in the brutal wind. Tears sting his eyes, and he struggles to hold them back, biting his lower lip hard enough to draw blood.

He’s strong enough. He is. It was—it was his alchemy that did this, so Varian— there must be a way Varian can fix this. He doesn’t need Rapunzel’s help. She—she’s looking after Corona, the kingdom, so that just means Varian has to look out for his dad… all by himself.

He waits there, kneeling in the snow, cold seeping through his pant legs, trembling in the fury of the storm. For a moment he thinks—maybe, maybe the Princess will come. Maybe she will run after him, come with him anyway, keep her promise. He would give almost anything to see her come out of those gates, her determined eyes and long golden hair, like some mythical hero from the old stories. The kind of person who makes everything okay again, the kind of person who keeps their promises, the kind of person who— who can save his dad.

Varian stares at those castle doors until his vision goes blurry, and the tears end up dripping down his face regardless of his wishes. He wipes at them roughly, breath hitching, and turns on his heels to head back out into the storm. He doesn’t dare look back again. If he does, he thinks the dismay might cripple him.

It is only when he has reached the hill overlooking the capital city, as he fights his way alone through the wind back to Old Corona, his earlier energy diminished and withered—it is only then, that Varian is struck with a sudden and blinding hatred. It’s an awful emotion, hatred, too much for his small hands. It fills up his throat and strangles his heart, and for a moment he can’t even see, his whole range of vision going white and fuzzy.

 _My Dad is going to die,_ Varian realizes with sudden clarity, _and it will be Rapunzel’s fault._

Almost immediately he shies away from it, physically recoils from the idea hard enough send him tripping face-first into the snow. The shock of cold send him spluttering, the terrible emotion smacked away by the cold reality, and Varian spits out ice, scrubbing at his face with his gloves.

“It’s not her fault,” he instructs himself under his breath, freeing his staff from the snow with a swift yank. “It’s not Rapunzel’s fault,” he repeats, through chattering teeth. “The k-kingdom’s in a crisis. She can’t h-help me. She said herself, she needed t-two—two—two days—”

His teeth are chattering so bad he almost bites his tongue by accident. Varian forces himself to breathe. “Not her fault,” he whispers into his palms, trying desperately to ignore the ache of loneliness, the sudden fear at walking through this storm alone. “Not her fault. Not her fault.”

He tells himself this as he makes his way through the snow, forces the words past numb and blue lips. Over and over until his voice scrapes in his throat, a mantra in tune with every trembling footstep.

“She’d help me if she could,” Varian assures himself when he reaches the caves. His voice bounces off the ice, echoes back, soft and uncertain. The storm roars above him.

“She’s the Princess, I’m an idiot, she has a kingdom to save,” when he gets to the rock pillars. His voice is thin, weakening. His knees shake at the mere idea of crossing.

“She’s my friend, she’ll come soon, she said—not right _now,_ Varian, she’ll come soon,” at the river. When he crosses, his foot slips, and he nearly falls into the icy waters, raging with the wind.

“She has to,” soft and thin and desperate, when he finds the wooden bridge destroyed by the snow. It takes him another half-hour trying to pick his way across.

Nothing at all, when he reaches the edge of his village, four hours later, cold to his bones and shaking too hard to speak.

He runs to his house in a daze, his breathing loud and raspy in his ears, but even that seems drowned out by the furious and ugly winds. The cold has pierced through the layers of his coat, bitten past even his alchemic attempts at warmth. It’s sunk so deep in his bones that every step is a battle, his legs shaking so severely it hurts to walk. The back of his throat stings, and no matter how many times he swallows, his mouth feels stiff and cold, his teeth aching.

It is nothing at all to the terror in his heart as he walks to his house, as he steps up to the door, closed shut. He almost drops his staff in his scramble for the doorknob, and the first time he tries to turn it, open the door and run inside, his numb fingers slide clean off.

Varian bites back a sob, staring down at that frozen handle. His eyes fill with hot tears, burning behind his eyes, almost endless, dripping down his face like a stream, his face twisted and teeth grit in an effort to keep from breaking down entirely at this tiny mishap.

“She promised me,” Varian whispers, to no-one, because there is no-one here but him. “She _promised.”_

There is no answer. Just the wind, and the snow, and Varian—alone, afraid of his own house, left out in the cold.

If Rapunzel wants to save her kingdom, then—that’s fine. That’s _fine._ She can save the kingdom. All Varian needs is to save his father. To make him proud. If Rapunzel won’t help him… then that’s fine too. He doesn’t need her help. He doesn’t need  _her._

Varian lifts his ice-caked gloves and scours it down his face, cheeks red from cold but free of tears. This time when he grabs the handle, his hand doesn’t slip.

Varian goes in alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t blame Rapunzel for what happened to Varian or Quirin, and I honestly agree with her choice in Queen for a Day— her kingdom needed her. Varian, though? Varian is fourteen, and he looked up to Rapunzel. What had he been thinking, as he made that long trek home… alone?
> 
> Viola, this fic. It was born.
> 
> [Link to Rec and Reblog?](http://izaswritings.tumblr.com/post/174417439567/title-a-downward-spiral-synopsis-its-a-long) Also, if you have any questions or just want to talk, [my tumblr](http://izaswritings.tumblr.com) is always open!!
> 
> Any thoughts??


End file.
